What is this thing called drawing?

I've returned to NY and am at a loss as to what to do with myself. School starts monday which means never-ending work and hopefully a return to normalcy. I've remembered how anxious I get when I have nothing to do in ny. I know, I know. How could I ever not have something to do in New York? But unlike Madison or Milwaukee, I don't have any special places in the city that I love visiting. Sure, I like the Upper East Side, but until I am rich and successful, it will remain a cruel reminder of dreams that I have no idea how to accomplish.

Anyway, I have nothing to do. I can't concentrate enough to read. My cooking is still pathetic. I am all around in a daze. It also doesn't help that it's the time of the year when I went to Strasberg. So coupling free time with New York covered in snow is the quickest way to an anxiety attack.

So I thought I'd try my hand at working on my latest self portrait. I was a little reluctant since I will be doing this kind of stuff everyday from here on out and should try to reserve my energy, but that is a terrible excuse.

So here is my progress.

Progress, indeed. 

I am just not feeling it lately. I couldn't get any enthusiasm out of this, sooooo I won't bother doing any work on it more tonight. I intend to finish it, though it might be some time before that happens.

It has begun!

State of the Union 2011

It is once again that time of the year when I do a new self portrait.

My original idea was a lot more grim and involved a lot of black. No doubt it reflected my emotions at the time. But now I toss away that black hat and don a martini dress. 

What brought this on? Ever since returning to New York, I have embraced the breeze of a new beginning and long for the luxurious life. The final push was the music from Mad Men. Soundtracks do so entrance me.

So all of a sudden, I crave martinis and little dresses. The former was taken care of tonight, but I can't so easily shake my latest theme. Therefore, I dedicate this year's self portrait to the 60's. Though the novelty isn't lost on me. I am, of course, a student with her head in the clouds. Hence the windows in the back are from my dorm's (My room is actually called the penthouse. Put on some bossa nova!). The Empire State Building also makes an appearance. Though that isn't wistful projections. I can actually see it from my bed!

Getting down and dirty

I made a new tag!

Today is a good day. Something that I was dreading for a long long time is taken care of! The weather is also nice. So I thought, "Bitch, git yo ass to work on that canvas."

Tadaaa! It has improved, methinks.

I'm working on adding in all the small creases in the foil. The best approach seems to be to just make a bunch of messy little strokes all over the place. We'll see how this technique turns out.

I'm undecided about the background. I was toying with the idea of a light pattern, but that might be too distracting. I want the chocolate to be the center of attention! I did add some burgundy on the bottom right. It's decadent and dramatic. Though I keep thinking it's from the hell fires below. That's kinda scary.

Here's a picture of my little kitty. She is a good painting companion.

Some progress!

Can you spot the differences?! 

I'm just trucking along on this. I believe the end is near. But the important part is if I'm satisfied with how it's turning out. All I can say is "meh." I think it looks good, but then I start to worry if my style is sellable. Maybe I'm revolutionary? I wish. 

Arggh. I don't have anything important to say. My mind is a complete mess. I'm consumed with fear and doubt. Have I been living a lie this whole time? Am I forcing myself to do this and that?! I want a solid answer and have no one to ask. 

It looked better when I was tired

Hahar! PROGRESS!!

The changes are definitely an improvement. Though I'm still far from done. 

I realized that I automatically try to make patterns that are historically and culturally appropriate. That just creates restrictions for my work and I get trapped. Then when I get trapped, I worry that maybe I really am not good at textile design. 

But I broke out of it and am pretty pleased at the results. I just improvised with the top layer and it turned out nicely. 

Chocolately Goodness!!

A still-life of a caramel Dove Chocolate™.

I had been wanting to do something like this ever since I saw an oil painting of a Reese Peanut Butter Cup™ that had used a lot of gold. Therefore, I bought 3 tubes of expensive metallic oil paint. No regrets!

But as Megan pointed out, the artist probably used gold leaf -- which she then lent to me!

Metallic oil paint is quite challenging. You need to lay it on thick, but then it easily clumps to the sides if you stroke the canvas too much. It also looks pretty bad when mixed with non metallic paints.

While working on this, I had thought I was finally mastering the paint and creating a some-what 3D effect for the wrapper. But as I look at it now...oh god. I need to (try) to fix everything!

The little fella working as my model

Considering, I think I have made a little progress in my pursuit for oil paint mastery (it's a long and painful road). This was all painted in about an hour. Quite an improvement compared to my portrait. Also, I am using brushes made out of REAL hair! The difference in quality is amazing. Something the old frugal me wouldn't understand. 

More like a memo to myself

This is very not up to date on my progress. 

Anyway...I made a pattern! It's mediocre! I took this screenshot because I liked the way it looked like a screen before I started to warp it around. 

This is a pointless post. I could've just kept this file in a folder. But, no! Thea doth protesteth to such a waste of memory on her hard-drive! 

Why does this feel like work?

Soooooo, Chopsticks NY is looking for a new cover illustrator. I am applying for the job. In the requirements, they want a portfolio with images that I want to be used for the magazine's cover. Arguably, all of my art has some japanese influence. But I only have a few that scream, "THIS IS JAPANESE! CULTURE!!" and they are mightily strange. Therefore, I am working on an image that is more subdued.

I needed to come up with an idea that illustrates New York City and Japan. Most of the past cover use food. Dammit, I don't want to draw sushi!

Something that would be easily recognizable to non-nipponphiles like myself....

Ah-ha!!

The juxtaposition of a Heian court lady stepping into a cab! I love mixing historical and contemporary themes. Not to mention I could go crazy with the clothing design.

The original sketch

Progress has been slow. Terribly, painfully slow. I don't have the ability to sit down at my computer and just draw. The beautiful interwebs is too distracting. I also feel like I have lost all ability to draw in Illustrator. I'm just becoming lazy! Lately, I have thoughts like, "Working on the folds of the sleeve is too hard. I'll do it later." That can't be healthy.

But I am learning a little. Like how damn difficult it is to find a good reference photo of juni-hitoe. I'm trying to understand how it's all tied! 

Current progress

Ahhh, I really need to fix some of those patterns. Blatant gradients are so tacky!

Anyway, I have about 10 days before the due date. I discovered that I concentrate better if I lay on my stomach.

...

I shall not leave my bed for the next week and a half.

All these obstacles!

About to weeks ago I decided to apply for Parsons. The application is quite easy and actually enjoyable. A part of the application process is the Parsons Challenge which is basically to illustrate something overlooked in your life three times. I'm not going to say what the theme is until I finish. (Paranoid someone might try to steel my idea). 

I started the 1st one.

There is still a lot I need to do. Being the queen of tedious details, I would say this is half way down. 

I've been meaning to work on this, but obstacles keep getting in my way. I still have school (even if I skip a lot and am pretty lax on the homework). I'm always tired. I went to Florida for a week (don't regret that). Today was going to be a day dedicated to finishing this, but then I ended up in the hospital all day because I thought  I had contracted e coli. Luckily,  I only have a virus. But I still feel miserable. 

In the finishing mile

Aaahhh I'm almost done!! 

Today was a day of quiet angsting. I didn't get the job I wanted and the housing search is still making me feel helpless. 

So what do I do? Paint crappy paintings! It makes me feel somewhat productive and gives me the illusion of making a difference in the my career. 

Pessimism aside, I broke my promise and worked on the clouds again. I'm satisfied this time. Not going to mess with them anymore!

But my main concentration today was on:

The tank-top! 

I was at a loss as to what I could do to improve it. I had painted it a lovely dark pea-green (note the sarcasm), but it was still too plain. So, I repainted it a greenish brown. Nice. 

Originally, I thought about adding some red. But let's face it, practically every drawing of mine features blue and red. To jazz it up, I added gold strokes!  

The face (and less importantly, the arms!)!

Skin tone mixing is a dangerous thing. I kept trying to "command + shift" everything. Adobe programs have made me spoiled. 

Let's get this over with!

This painting's hiatus is officially over! Technically, it never was on hiatus. It was more like I was avoiding it because it kept opening up emotional scars! I won't lie, I was crying when I started painting it again. 

Good news! I'm done with the clouds! Though I can only stare at them with contempt. I'm not satisfied with the result, but I feel this is the best they will get. But after looking at this photo, they don't seem too shabby...

I even worked on my hair! It may look monotone in the photo but it's actually a colorful array of meticulous strokes and tiny highlights!! I need to take a better picture when it's done!!!

So hopefully, I will be done soon. After all, I promised my parents I would be done before I left for New York. 

Ironing out my muddled mind

It's coming along. Bit by tiny bit. 

I'm quite pleased with the plane pattern. Though the concept is simple, making the swatch was delicate stuff. I, for one, am not very accurate with measuring. Rulers are one of my many enemies. So to space the planes evenly, I made tiny little colored blocks. How archaic!! 

I'm also trying to incorporate graphic styles using font. It's an area I am definitely not comfortable with. For starters, what the hell do I write? I'm afraid the text is taking on a bit of an Engrish flare. For example, what does "1P" mean? Multiple meanings pass through my head and not a single one is significant. To be honest, I just wanted to put some text in that shape. "It's like a little badge!!" is probably what I was thinking. 

What shall I add next?! 

I really don't know. 

To partake in my pattern tendencies

Oh young flight attendant

How your glance sends my heart aflutter

May I borrow your dress? 

This subject...it was only a matter of time. So if you haven't realized already, I am infatuated with flight attendants of the Golden Age. Would I have become one if I was alive in the '60s? Yes. Though it's only the image that I love. The actual job isn't as glamorous. Shame.

Every time I go to the Third Ward or Madison, I am overcome with a desire to design patterns or some kind of stationary. Unfortunately, that fire is always out by the time I reach my computer. This time, though, I shall conquer my muse!! But it's surprisingly difficult conveying the blurry image in my mind  to something crisp and solid on the screen.

My thoughts on the outcome thus far:

Is she wearing the flag of Denmark? Is she a blond Japanese woman?! Is she Maki Nomiya?!! The things that are beyond my control... 

Attempt at being epic

Tomoe again!! 

This picture is farther along then I let on. Just in the mood to be a teasing bastard. 

She totally looks like a glam rocker. Ah well...

The clouds...oooh how I suffer them

Not exactly the best photograph. Anyway...

Hey look! The clouds are different! 

But I still don't like them. I was slathering on the paint, but the white just wasn't pure enough. God, sounds like something a white supremacist would say. "I want it to be Aryan clouds! Aryan!!" 

So in a foolish attempt to make it look brighter. I added a tiny tiny tiny bit of gold. But then that color pretty much exploded and overtook the canvas. So I have yucky urine-gold cloud highlights! Definitely gonna fix that. 

Fun Fact: I was gonna take a knife to this canvas. 

It was during a really rough week when I last worked on this. Luckily, I didn't indulge in my rage and destroy the painting.  To be honest, I don't know if I would have been too sad. This really isn't that good and I'm getting frustrated at how it's turning out. But out of stubbornness, I am riding this thing to the end.

Can you tell the difference?

Clouds!!!

Yeah, I just added the grey wash. Once it dries, I'll make it all wonderful and full of white highlights! 

So that's how it's going

Today, I was determined to finish the blue sky on my canvas. During my lunch break, I took a peek at my progress and....I had an epiphany! 

Clouds!

I took advantage of the remaining white and made nice Cumulonimbus clouds! This is definitely replacing the intended backdrop of California. Oh well. It would have looked pretty bad (considering my wavering painting skills).

Prescription

I was told by my doctor/ massage therapist that I should draw self portraits. I suppose, as a way to improve my confidence. Self portraits are something that I really enjoy doing. Doing one annually has become an attempted tradition. I'm already failing at this new tradition, though. The first and last one I did was in 2008. I did attempt one while in Japan, but it morphed into the unspeakable creature of what I posted awhile back. 

So anyway, I took his advice, but wasn't in the mood to actually draw. It seems this summer has been a vacation for my creativity as well (or maybe it's due to stress). What gave me the final push was in fact Truman Capote. I was reading his unfinished "Answered Prayers." I don't know if I should blame his drug abuse, but that particular writing frightened me. I was suddenly afraid that my ambitions would lead me down a path of endless misery. So in an attempt to relieve myself of this new stressor, I started drawing this (and stopped reading the book). 

Originally, this was going to be incredibly stylized (possibly like the illustration for Breakfast at Tiffany's). Tough it's about time I realized that I am not so good at straying from my typical style (when portraits are involved). As long as there is a mirror to use for reference, it will always be somewhat realistic. Well, as much as Illustrator and laziness allows.

Just made it brighter!

Turns out I had another blue! 

Unfortunately, the previous blue was already dried. So I had to repaint the already painted sky. Ugh, it was hot that day too. 

But if I am gonna take some astrological sign for this painting, then that means things are better!